Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
