I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
