im drinking this country out of the recession.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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