NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
