We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
