wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
