When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
