tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
