Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
