You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
