There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
