Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
