and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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