Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
