Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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