see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
you had me at cake vodka
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
