I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So apparently I’m into choking now
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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