i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i dont even know how to be here
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
