my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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