I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
