I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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