I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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