yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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