He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
