why didn't you poke me back
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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