i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
