thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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