i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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