So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize