booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
