Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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