Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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