Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
