Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
