I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
