This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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