I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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