And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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