I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
