she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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