he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
