I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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