So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
