Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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