In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
