There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
