I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just high enough for therapy.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
