I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
