Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
