Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
