good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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