Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
