he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
