drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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