Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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