69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
babies were throwing up all over the place
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
