I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he puts the penis in happiness.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
