well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
