i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
