Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
