weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
