but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
