i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
