seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
and you fell through a lawn chair
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
