My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
my being single is dangerous.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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