M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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