I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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