whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
