Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
