3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Congratulations! We have a period
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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