My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
