The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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