Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize