So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Screwed.edu
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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