Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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