We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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