My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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