Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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