; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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