I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
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