This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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