remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Randomize
