the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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