I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
