Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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