OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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