I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
