dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
