You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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