Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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